


Beautifully Unfinished

by lavenderandice



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, College, Getting Back Together, How Do I Tag, Injury, M/M, Post-Break Up, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Will add more tags and characters as I go, oh and semi is injured
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-10-13 12:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderandice/pseuds/lavenderandice
Summary: It’s been two years since his seniors’ graduation, when Semi broke up with Kenjirou. But it doesn’t feel like two years have passed when he sees the older male in his university’s gymnasium.In which Kenjirou winds up in the same university as his ex, and realises, crap, he still does love him.





	1. We Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first haikyuu fanfic so i'm really nervous lol

Kenjirou was a stubborn boy. He knew that as much, yet he would never admit it even if his stubbornness got him into an unpleasant situation-like potentially being late for the first train to Tokyo. 

A million curses were going through the brunet’s mind as he sprinted up the steps to the gantry, fumbling for his train card and cursing himself even more for not taking it out earlier. Truth be told, there was no reason to rush for the train, it was not like there was a stipulated time he had to check into his dorm at. But Kenjirou figured whoever his roommate was, they would not arrive at this ungodly hour and so he could choose his preferred side of the room and get comfortable before they arrived. On top of being stubborn, Kenjirou was also painfully upright. 

However, it was his uprightness that got him to where he was-now successfully seated in the train which was expected to reach the city by 6.30 a.m. Out of pettiness, he decided to send a victorious text to his mother, informing her he did not miss the train and an additional, _ I told you I didn’t need a cab. It’s a waste of money. _ His replayed her words in his head, going on about how he should have taken a cab instead as it would have been less hassle. He imagined the middle-aged lady rolling her eyes in annoyance at his text and chuckled to himself, _ the more you tell me to do something the more i’ll go against it _.

He arrived on campus grounds at exactly 7 a.m., the bus ride having taken slightly longer than expected due to the morning rush hour. Kenjirou did not mind, though. He used the additional time to inspect the cityscape the bus windows displayed. It was all concrete and flashy billboards, and he watched curiously as a large group of Western tourists stood by a traffic light taking in all the sights around them. As glamorous as the city life seemed, it terrified Kenjirou a bit, and he already longed for Miyagi’s open fields and relaxed pace.

The moment Kenjirou opened the doors to his dorm, he was not only shocked that his roommate was already there, but that said roommate was a familiar anger-inducing blonde.

“ What the hell!? What are _ you _doing here?”

“ Believe me, I’m not enjoying any bit of this either,” Tsukishima replied monotonously, returning his attention back to the book in his hands. He was seated by one of the two tables provided by the university out of courtesy. “ The left bed is mine, by the way.” He commented nonchalantly, completely ignoring Kenjirou’s state of lividness. 

“ Fine.” Kenjirou muttered resentfully, dumping his luggage by the foot of the bed before plopping down face-first onto the mattress. His anger dissolved the instant his body sank into it, and he figured he was too tired to continue being enraged. He just hoped this was the last Karasuno boy he saw out here, or the last familiar face for that matter. 

The universe, however, definitely did not intend that for him. 

***

Two days later, Kenjirou received a text at noon from his new volleyball captain to come down to the campus’ gym. Classes did not start till next week but he heard it was normal for university clubs to kick off the ice-breaking activities before the academic year began. After twenty minutes of furiously inspecting the campus map-because _ this campus is too bloody huge _-the brunet finally gained the confidence to embark on the fifteen minute walk there. 

Before he left, he informed Tsukishima where he was heading off to out of politeness. Because as much as he disliked the guy he was not going to be a complete dick just cause they beat Shiratorizawa twice. He was surprised that the blonde did not sign up for the volleyball team, and as much as he hated to admit it, a bit let down because the dude was a really skilled middle blocker. 

“ Volleyball’s fun, but I want to try out different things now,” Tsukishima explained as he lay in bed with the same book in his hands. 

“ Are there any other Karasuno boys here that you know of?” 

“ Why should I tell you? Better to let you find out on your own,” he replied with a mischievous smirk, then switched to an attempt at an innocent smile. “ Have fun at practice!”

“ Ass.” Kenjirou cursed before heading out. 

Kenjirou spent the walk there trying to memorise the layout of the campus. He was relieved that his classes were in the building right beside the gym, the distance from this side of the campus and his dorm was not too bad either, so at least the universe was not _ completely _against him. 

There were still thirty minutes left till the team had to assemble, but Kenjirou already heard the distant sounds of volleyballs smacking against the floor and squeaking of sports shoes. As he strolled the remaining few metres to the gym’s entrance, he pondered how hard he had to work to earn his spot as a regular on the team, reminding himself that university was a different playing field altogether. While the thought filled him with slight dread over the imminent competitiveness he would face, it also excited him. 

That excitement was cut short, however, when his eyes landed on a familiar face inside. 

_ You’ve gotta be kidding me, _ Kenjirou thought as he swiftly hid behind the wall beside the entrance, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. 

How the hell did Kenjirou fail to notice _ this _ ? He had done his research on every relevant aspect of the university, especially their volleyball team. Maybe he was not a regular so his face never appeared in the matches Kenjirou searched up of them online. Still, he kept tabs on the whereabouts of his seniors after they graduated, so how in the world did he manage to overlook _ him _?

_ You distanced yourself from him, remember? Vowed to yourself to never check up on him again, _ the voice in Kenjirou’s head answered, and the brunet felt himself spiralling out of control. He did not want to be here anymore. He wanted to leave, maybe he should transfer out, there would still be time anyway-no, that would be too troublesome. Perhaps he should leave the volleyball team instead? There was still time to quit and find another club. But volleyball was his first love, and his second-

His second love was in there, completely unaware the brunet was watching him by the gym’s entrance, same stoic expression on his face as he conversed with his other teammates. His hair was a bit unruly, but it was the same shade of ash blonde Kenjirou once longed to see every day. He never thought he would see it again, made it a point not to. 

Kenjirou was too scared to walk in. 

“ Oh, are you a first-year?” A voice called from behind Kenjirou, startling him. 

“ Uh, yes.” Kenjirou turned around and replied back in a squeaky voice, cheeks reddening with embarrassment as the man in front of him laughed. 

“ Too nervous to go in? The name’s Kuroo, by the way.” _ Oh, Nekoma. _Kenjirou had not seen his name or face pop up in his research though, and the brunet was starting to wonder just how extensive his research actually was.

“ I’m fine.” Kenjirou denied, his tone a bit more harsh than intended, evoking a skeptic expression from the older man. “ Nice to meet you, Kuroo-san.” He greeted curtly with a rigid bow.

Kuroo chuckled. “ You’re so uptight, it’s cute.” Kenjirou frowned, which only made him laugh louder. “ I’m a second-year, by the way.”

“ I don’t think I’ve seen you on the team, though.”

“ Oh no, I don’t play,” Kuroo said, waving a hand dismissively. “ I’m just coming here to visit. I’ve got a friend on the team.”

“ A friend?”

“ Mhm,” He hummed, then waved his hand to beckon the attention of said friend. “ SemiSemi!” 

Kenjirou froze. Of all people he could have befriended from the team, of course it had to be him. 

“ I told you to stop calling me that, I regret introducing you to Tendou-” Semi froze when he saw Kenjirou. “ Oh.”

“ You guys know each other?” Kuroo enquired, but his voice seemed so far away in that moment, Kenjirou felt the air get stolen from his lungs just from seeing Semi so up close. He was just as beautiful as he remembered, as he dreamt, even if his dreams consisted of distorted images of the two fighting and crying. 

“ Shirabu Kenjirou. My junior from Shiratorizawa.” Semi replied, never taking his eyes off Kenjirou, the expression on his face indiscernible. Kenjirou wondered what he was thinking. 

Kuroo glanced back and forth between the two, a knowing look on his face. Kenjirou wondered if Semi had told him about their past. “ I see.” 

A silence settled on the trio and it was starting to make Shirabu feel uncomfortable. So he offered another rigid bow to excuse himself before turning around and practically sprinting off into the gym. He felt like an idiot for doing that, though, as he realised he had no one to talk to. Thankfully, his concerns were relieved a few seconds later when the captain told everyone to gather around. 

“ Good afternoon everyone, first of all thanks for coming down here. I know club activities don’t start till next week but it’s tradition to get to know each other a week in advance. Some of you may already know who I am, but to those who don’t, I’m your captain Shiro Kokei. It’s nice to meet all of you.” The beefy, raven-haired young man who stood before the first-years greeted.

“ It’s nice to meet you!” The first-years greeted back, after which Shiro proceeded to introduce the existing teammates who stood in a neat row behind him. Kenjirou’s suspicions that Semi was not a regular were confirmed, however he was shocked to find the older setter was not even standing with the rest of the team. Then he saw him seated by the benches.

“ And _ that _,” Shiro continued, gesturing to Semi, “ is our other setter, Semi Eita. He’s currently on medical leave now so he will not be playing for a while, but you can still go to him for advice on improving your tosses. He’s highly skilled.” 

Kenjirou’s heart clenched. The rest of the team casted pitiful glances Semi’s way, but he ignored them, stoic as ever as he stood up (Kenjirou noticed the slight wince as he did so, and in that moment also noticed a cast wrapped around his right arm, hidden by the jacket he was wearing) to give a formal bow, “ It’s nice to meet all of you.”

The first-years echoed his sentiments with fervor enthusiasm, but Kenjirou could only repeat the words with a strained voice. They split up into teams of 6 after that for a welcome practice match to break the ice-and also to gauge the freshmen’s skills-but all Kenjirou could think of was Semi’s injury. He willed his eyes to stay on the court when the game started-having already gotten decently friendly with his new teammates and formulated some strategies-though he could not help but let his gaze occasionally stray to the lone soul sitting by the benches. 

***

“ Oh yeah, Semi does go there.”

“ You knew and you never told me!?”

Kawanishi clicked his tongue in annoyance. “ And even if I told you, so what? You’d choose another university? This is where you’ve wanted to go for years.” 

Kenjirou huffed, his bangs flying up due to the sudden rush of air before settling back to its loyal position on his forehead a second later. “ I know. Just-a heads-up would have been nice.” 

“ And what would you do if you had one?”

“ Not join volleyball, perhaps.”

“ You can always quit now, it’s only the first week of school.” 

“...”

“ You don’t want to, right?”

Kenjirou huffed again, annoyed his best friend could read him so well. The two were on a phone call updating one another on how university life had been treating them so far. Classes were decent, nothing that Kenjirou could not manage. But Kawanishi was struggling with Western Literature which was shocking considering the guy consistently excelled in English back in high school.

Training was excruciating, though. The training drills were nothing new considering Kenjirou was already used to Washijou’s tormentous practices, though the other first-years begged to differ, one having thrown up after completing their tenth lap around the campus’ field. No, what was excruciating was Semi’s presence, the accidental eye contacts which made Kenjirou’s chest constrict painfully and the dread that filled his gut en route to the gym. The last time he dreaded going to volleyball practice was when he realised he had a crush on Semi back in his second year of high school.

“ What’s stopping you from leaving?” 

Kenjirou appeared to have no answer to give. 

Kawanishi sighed. “ I don’t know what’s going on with you, but remember the hurt he put you through. Don’t go crawling back to someone who so easily tossed you aside like that.”

“ How desperate do you think I am? It’s been _ two years _. I’m over him.”

“ Then why does his presence bother you so much?” 

“ It just pisses me off!” Kenjirou exploded. After letting out a harsh exhale, he continued in a softer voice, “ He broke up with me because he thought our relationship wasn’t strong enough to handle the distance, then two years later I end up going to the same university as him. It isn’t even _ that _ far from Shiratorizawa, it only took me 2 hours to get here. It just sounds like an excuse because he was too much of a coward to tell me he lost interest in our relationship.”

“ It could be that, or something deeper.” Kenjirou froze, he never considered that. “ Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. Like you said, it’s been two years. Don’t let this dampen your university life, go out there and form new bonds.” He sensed the smirk on Kawanishi’s face as he said the next few words, “ Maybe even get closer to that Karasuno guy.”

“ Don’t.” Kenjirou warned. Speaking of which, it was nearing midnight and he wondered where Tsukishima was. But whatever, he would not take his absence for granted. Truth be told, he ought to give the blonde some slack considering how he minded his own business and never got in his way. Still, Kenjirou was too upset over Semi and needed something else to direct his anger towards. “ I swear to God if I see one more familiar face here I’ll fight them.”

“ Try not to get a prison record in your first year of university at least.” Kawanishi chuckled.

Three years ago Kenjirou would have never thought he would be _ this _ close to the ginger, let alone hear the boy laugh, but the two had unexpectedly formed a strong companionship especially after their seniors graduated from the team. Kenjirou had other friends, obviously. But Kawanishi was one of the only people he confided in, the former having let the latter stay at his house and cry into his shoulder the night Semi broke up with him. He knew it was the same for Kawanishi too, the boy was the most expressive around him, and if anyone else saw the way he ranted about various types of meat (he could talk about pork loin for _ hours _) they would wonder if he had been possessed by a spirit of some sort. A meat-loving spirit.

“ I’ll hang up now, it’s getting late and classes start early tomorrow.” 

“ Okay. Goodnight, Kawanishi.”

“ Take care, Shirabu.” 

Kenjirou tossed his phone onto his bedside table and flopped back down into bed, staring up at the ceiling. Kawanishi was right, he had three years of university education to complete, he could not let Semi ruin his time here. _ It could be that, or something deeper. _ He knew Kawanishi only said that in passing, yet the words stuck like glue in his mind. Something deeper-what else could it have been other than Semi losing interest in their relationship? 

_ Trying to figure that out won’t change the fact that he still left in the most cowardly way possible, _Kenjirou rebutted logically as he turned off his bedside lamp, draped his blanket over his body and forced himself to go to sleep. 

***

Kenjirou’s first month of school went by in a blur, his days occupied with studying sessions in the library, racing to complete his assignments ahead of time and of course, volleyball. But it was not all work and no play, Kenjirou made sure to acquaint himself with some of his other coursemates and teammates as well. He was not the friendly type, but he needed a distraction and he was not some study-crazed robot who could function without any platonic relations. 

One of those platonic relations (well, it was formed out of habit rather than friendliness) were with Tsukishima. The two majored in different fields-Tsukishima in Psychology and Kenjirou in Physics and Astrology, but have managed to form some sort of common ground through late-night trips to Mcdonald’s to sustain themselves through revisions and their guilty pleasure of binge-watching _ Love Island _. Tsukishima insisted he watched it just to laugh at the idiocy of the cast, but Kenjirou swore he saw him tear up one episode when one guy got sent home. 

There was even one night when Tsukishima stayed up to tend to a fever-stricken Kenjirou. The brunet had overworked himself from studying and even though he spent the entire day drifting in and out of sleep, he managed to catch the worried frown on Tsukishima’s face as he sat by his bedside. However, it was not Tsukishima if he did not throw in a few insults here and there just to rile Kenjirou up. 

“ It’s only been a few weeks of school and you’ve already fallen sick? Weak.”

“ Shut up!” 

Kenjirou recovered though, and headed to practice the day after. In hindsight, he wished he had called in sick instead. 

It was the last day of the month and practice was more gruelling than usual, perhaps because they were going to have a practice match at another university two weeks from now. Kenjirou was usually attentive during their coach’s briefings, yet his mind lacked the brainpower to focus on the words leaving the old man’s mouth, and instead fantasised about the deepest sleep Kenjirou would have when he went back to his dorm. He managed to pick up a few things his coach said though, something about that university’s team having a really interesting first-year spiker.

After settling a few more admin matters, their coach officially dismissed them, but then-

“ Shirabu, come here.” 

Kenjirou’s teammates watched curiously as he made his way over to the benches where his coach sat. He wondered if he did something wrong to warrant the distraught expression on his coach’s face-were his plays off during practice? But if they were he would have told him _ during _practice and not wait till it was over. 

“ Yes, coach?”

“ Shirabu, why did you come to practice today?”

“ Huh?”

The old man let out a tired sigh and narrowed his eyes at Kenjirou, and in that moment the brunet was reminded of Washijou. “ You were sick yesterday, right? One of your teammates told me. Maybe you didn’t notice but your movements today were lethargic and your tosses mediocre at best. If you’re sick, you should stay in your dorm and rest.”

“ I’m sorry for my performance today. But I actually recovered yesterday-” 

“ You don’t just recover from a fever in a day, even so you should have rested a day more at least. There’s no point in dragging yourself here and underperforming.” The old man chastised, but then his gaze softened a bit, “ You’re a good setter, Shirabu. I already have one talented setter down, I don’t want to lose another too.” 

Kenjirou’s breath hitched, but he regained his composure in the next second and gave his coach a formal bow. “ It won’t happen again, I’m sorry.” When his coach nodded and let him go, Kenjirou realised everyone else had already left. As he went to collect his things from the locker room, he wondered if there was anyone here to lock up the gym. His question was answered when he saw Semi standing by the entrance as he exited.

“ Sorry for making you wait,” he apologised because he really did feel bad. 

“ What? Oh no, it’s okay,” Semi reassured flusteredly, and Kenjirou could not help but be amused at the older boy’s agitation. It was a rare sight for someone like Semi to behave this way, who to many always appeared either annoyed or impassive. 

When he was done locking up, Semi looked surprised to see Kenjirou was still there waiting for him. The younger setter wondered why he stayed back, too, and the air between them grew awkward. 

“ Uh, I guess I’ll go now. Bye.” 

“ Wait, Shirabu,” Kenjirou tried to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat at that. “ I heard what you and coach talked about. What were you thinking coming to practice when you’re sick?”

Maybe it was the condescending way Semi voiced his concern, or the irritation he felt from being told by his coach that his serves today were_ mediocre _. Whatever it was, it made Kenjirou snap. “ And how is that any of your concern?” 

“ Of course it is? I’m your senior.” He sounded way more level-headed than Kenjirou did, which only pissed the brunet off even more.

“ So what if you are? This isn’t high school, you can save your nagging for someone else.”

“ _ Nagging _? I’m just looking out for you and you call that nagging?” 

“ Like I said, you don’t have to. This isn’t high school anymore.” 

“ Yeah, it’s university. Which means you need to take better care of yourself and stop being so damn stubborn-”

“ I get it! Just lay off my back, will you!? You’re not my boyfriend anymore!” It was as if all the frustration that accumulated under Kenjirou’s skin from the past few weeks left his body in that single string of sentences. Semi was staring at him wide-eyed and Kenjirou could not believe he just said that. 

“ Shirabu…”

“ _ No _ .” He spat, pointing an accusatory finger at Semi. “ Don’t ‘ _ Shirabu _’ me. I came here eager to start this new chapter of my life only to find out you’re here. Do you know how shitty that is?” The hurt look on Semi’s face should have made Kenjirou feel victorious that he hit a nerve, it should not have made him feel as if his heart just shattered into a million pieces then and there. “ Which is why you have no right lecturing me like that anymore. You lost that right two years ago, and you only have yourself to blame.”

Semi dipped his head, jaw tightened, and when he tipped his head back up again his features were back to their impassive state. “ Fine. I apologise for overstepping my boundaries.”

Kenjirou blinked, then scoffed. “ Yeah, whatever. Bye.”

“ Rest well, Shirabu.” He lingered a few seconds longer to cast Semi one last hostile glance before practically sprinting back to his dorm. 

Kenjirou ignored Tsukishima’s judgemental stare as he barged in, panting heavily. He dumped his things by the foot of his bed and raced against his thoughts to take a quick shower and get ready for bed. He willed his heart and mind to calm themselves down and instead focused on the feel of the soft mattress currently below him. Exhaustion was starting to consume him and he felt grateful as he felt himself slipping out of consciousness. The last thing he heard before he entered his slumber was Tsukishima sighing and then the sound of the blonde’s bedside lamp being switched off. He wondered what that was all about but decided to save it for the next day. 

  



	2. Chapter 2: Out Of My Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, kinda down with the flu ahh ;-; anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter!

" You better not be going for practice today."

Kenjirou gave Tsukishima a tired glance, " I'm not? I'm just texting my captain telling him I'm sick." 

" Good. Seriously," he sighed, " what were you thinking going to practice when you had not fully recovered yet?" 

" Oh, is  _ Tsukki _ concerned for me?" Kenjirou questioned mockingly, adding emphasis on the nickname he overheard the blonde's boyfriend address him by on their phone calls. Yamaguchi, _ I think _ . He felt a little jealous seeing how well the two maintained their long-distance relationship, and he tried to convince himself the jealousy was because he missed the feeling of being with someone-and not because he could have had that with Semi last year.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. " Shut up." He got off his bed. " I'm going to meet my groupmates, my senior is coming over later to take some notes he lent me. He should come by around noon.” 

“ Okay.” Tsukishima just stared at him. “ What?”

“ Nothing,” then, grabbing his bag off the floor, he opened the door, “ bye,” and walked out. 

Kenjirou did not know what was up with Tsukishima, but he was starting to get on his nerves. His roommate had been acting like that since the night he fought with Semi-staring at him with an unreadable (and though Kenjirou hated to admit it, slightly intimidating) gaze. 

But like everything else weighing on his mind right now, Kenjirou chose to deal with it later. It had been two days since the quarrel and his health has only gotten worse since then. He skipped out on lessons and practice yesterday (he did not really have a choice-not when Tsukishima sat on his legs and refused to get up and let him get off the bed to shower. “  _ Shut up, _ ” was all he said in response to the curses flying out of Kenjirou’s mouth then). It was Saturday now and he was grateful that there were only two classes yesterday, so the workload he had to sift through during the weekend was still manageable. 

He knew he had to stay in bed and rest until his temperature went back to its normal degree, but he felt so restless sitting in bed doing nothing. There was a pile of notes neatly stacked on his table, begging to be read. One of his classmates was kind enough to make a copy for him and come by after class yesterday to hand it to him, and Kenjirou was surprised someone had even acknowledged his absence. So he got out of bed and freshened up, deciding he had to make himself look presentable for when Tsukishima’s senior swung by to collect his notes-even though it was currently only 7 a.m.-and grabbing an apple from the fridge, munched on it as he sat in front of his table and began to flip through his notes. 

***

“ Shit, where is it." It had been ten minutes since Semi showed up at their dorm, and the older man was currently rummaging through every drawer in Tsukishima's table trying to find his notes.

Kenjirou figured the universe hated him, and he wondered what he did to upset it to this extent.  _ Of course _ Tsukishima’s senior happened to be his ex, who was currently trying to figure out where the hell did Tsukishima keep his notes at. 

_ If he knew Semi was coming over he should have put it out in the first place, _ Kenjirou grumbled mentally. “ Did Tsukishima reply you?”

Semi froze, as if he had forgotten Kenjirou was there. He took out his phone from his jean pocket, then sighed. “ No, it says he was last online 2 hours ago.” 

“ Huh? What’s up with him,” Kenjirou muttered. Then, getting up from his seat, he walked over to Tsukishima’s table. “ Move, let me try and find it.”

Semi stared vacantly at Kenjirou for a few seconds before complying with his instructions, moving to lean against the wall beside Tsukishima’s desk. Kenjirou knew it was pointless to search when Semi had already gone through every bloody compartment.

“ What a brat.” He cursed. “ If he knew you were coming he should have just left it on his desk, or somewhere where it was easy to locate at least.”

“ Look, it’s okay. I can just come by another day when he’s around.” Semi assured, “ I don’t need it urgently, anyways.”

Kenjirou stopped searching and looked up at him, “ So you’re gonna go?”

Semi looked disappointed, or maybe that was just Kenjirou reaching. “ Yeah.”

Just then, the door opened and Tsukishima walked in nonchalantly with those stupid headphones of his hanging round his neck. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed Semi and Kenjirou’s stares. “ What.”

Semi chuckled, a sound that made Kenjirou tense up. “ Seriously? Is that how you greet your senior? Also we can’t find my notes.”

“ Oh, Kuroo said he came over to collect it in the morning. He told me he was going to pass it to you.”

“ What? He didn’t tell me that.” 

“ Seriously, does everyone know each other here!?” Kenjirou snapped, causing the two to flinch and focus their attention on him.  _ Shit. _ “ I’m heading out.”

“ What, where? You’re still sick.” Tsukishima questioned, stopping Kenjirou when he reached the door. 

Kenjirou turned and opened his mouth to speak, but in doing so accidentally met Semi’s gaze. He looked away. “ Just- _ somewhere _ .” Before Tsukishima could interrogate him any further, he pushed past the blonde and headed out. 

The walk to the campus’ park only took about ten minutes and Kenjirou was relieved to find it fairly empty. He walked to the nearest tree and felt like he could breathe again the moment he sat in the shade it offered. 

He was screwed at this state. If every run-in with Semi resulted in Kenjirou having an outburst of some kind, how the hell was he going to survive for the next three years? Not to mention, this might affect his performance during practices and competitions, even. Kenjirou felt like he was losing sense of who he was, he was not the type of guy to let something as trivial as an ex being in the same university as him turn his whole life upside down.  _ Was this trivial though? _ Kenjirou pondered to himself, but shook the question away before he could go down that path of self-reflection. 

He felt his throat ache a little, and he suspected he might be starting to develop a sore throat.  _ Great. _ He searched his pockets to see if he had any cash in them and found just enough money to afford some cough drops at the nearby convenience store. He thanked his past self for being too tired to take out the spare change in his pants and neatly tuck them away into his wallet two nights before. 

Once Kenjirou got back from the convenience store he was pleased to see that Semi was gone. Tsukishima was on his bed-his pillow placed upright against the headboard and him leaning back on it, reading a book. His eyes did not leave the book even as Kenjirou entered. “ Feeling better?” 

“ Yeah, I went to buy some lozenges.” Kenjirou replied, holding the pack of cough drops up to show Tsukishima. The blonde looked up, nodded in response, and then continued reading. 

Assuming the conversation was over, Kenjirou placed the cough drops on his table and walked to the bathroom. “ Semi’s your ex, isn’t he?” He froze, standing with his back facing Tsukishima. 

“ How do you know.” 

“ He told me after you left. He asked me if you were feeling better, he was concerned for you, you know.”

“ Stop, please.” Kenjirou retorted weakly, then without waiting for Tsukishima’s response he walked into the bathroom, slammed the door shut and sank to the floor, putting his head in his hands. 

Why did Tsukishima even bother, anyway? Kenjirou had half a mind to quit the volleyball team, but he would still see Semi since he was Tsukishima’s senior.  _ Maybe change dorms? Or move out and rent an apartment nearby?  _ He hated how everyone in this damned university was connected one way or another. He expected his worries as a university student to consist of academic stress and the competition to be a regular on the volleyball team. And although those were more important he found himself stressing out even more over Semi instead. 

_ One more month, _ he bargained with himself. One more month of volleyball-and if he could not handle being around Semi anymore, he would quit. He came here with the intention of flourishing in every aspect of his university life. He was not going to let his resolve be hampered by Semi. 

***

Kenjirou sat in the last row of the team’s bus, currently en route to the university they were set to have a practice match with. The bus ride was going to take around 3 hours, and his intention was to spend the entire duration napping, but that plan was botched due to the group of way-too-hyper first-years who occupied the seats in his row and the one in front of him. They were gushing over the trailer of an upcoming Korean movie, talking about how hot the actress was. He assumed the front of the bus was suffering the same fate as well, and lifted himself a bit higher in his seat to check-nope. The rest of the team that sat in front were either quietly scrolling through their phones or sound asleep. Kenjirou saw a vacant aisle seat a few rows in front of him and was tempted to move there, but he saw Semi occupying the seat beside it and immediately lowered himself back into his own. He wondered why the man sat alone but evicted the thought from his mind as soon as it appeared-it was none of his business. 

He decided to accept the universe’s punishment of lumping him in with a group of hormonal young men and plugged in his earphones, playing his music at a volume that blocked out the incessant rants of his teammates and closed his eyes.

“ Waah! Shiratorizawa!” was the first thing Kenjirou heard the moment he stepped foot into the gymnasium. 

“ Oh God, no.” Kenjirou figured those were going to be his last words as he saw the orange-haired maniac sprint to him at that superhuman pace of his. He had not written his will yet, though. And there were so many things he had not ticked off his bucket list. He was actually sad, he did not want to go like this-

Hinata managed to stop himself only a few feet short from clashing into Kenjirou. He cocked his head to the side, confused. “ What’s with that expression on your face?”

_ You nearly killed me, idiot. _ “ I thought nationals was the last time I would ever see you, I guess the universe really loves punishing me.”

“ How is this a punishment!?” Hinata scowled. Something or someone behind Kenjirou seemed to have caught Hinata’s attention, though, because his rage was wiped off his face in the next instant, replaced with a wide smile. “ Semi-san!”  _ Great, even this simpleton is acquainted with my ex?  _

“ Hinata, stop harassing my junior.” Kenjirou nearly yelped when he felt Semi’s breath on his neck because he did not expect the older man to be  _ directly  _ behind him. He whipped around and glared at Semi, who only offered him a blank stare in return. 

“ What-I’m not harassing him!” Hinata scowled again. Then, in a gentler tone, asked, “ By the way, how’s your arm now?”

Kenjirou’s breath hitched in his throat. Come to think of it, he never found out what happened to Semi’s arm. He felt guilty for overlooking the older’s injury, but then realised that it was none of his business anyways.

“ It’s getting better,” Semi responded with a slight lilt in his voice, moving his injured arm up and down a few times as evidence. “ The doctor says at this rate I’ll be able to play in a few months. The physiotherapy’s getting easier to handle, too.” 

“ That’s good. Also, thank you for sending me your notes last week. I managed to pass thanks to you. Your notes are way easier to understand than the actual lectures, seriously.” 

Kenjirou was shocked that: one, Hinata-the guy who he saw debating with Kageyama over what the correct pronunciation for pistachio was last nationals-was taking psychology; two, Hinata knows Semi-even though that had already been established earlier. At this point he was starting to believe none of this was real life and he would wake up and realise this was all a fever dream. 

“ Do you even pay attention during lectures? The questions you send me make me think otherwise.” Semi’s statement clearly offended Hinata, who opened his mouth ready to rebut his accusation, but then Shiro called Semi over and he excused himself, leaving his two juniors in each other’s company instead. 

Hinata turned to Kenjirou, angry pout on his face. “ How can he accuse me of not paying attention? I always do my best not to fall asleep during lectures.”

_ That’s, like, the bare minimum.  _ Before Kenjirou could voice his thoughts out, Hinata had already moved on to a new topic. “ Anyways, what’s your name again?”   


“ Of course someone with the memory of a goldfish would forget it. Shirabu Kenjirou.” 

“ Shut up! Do you even know my name?”

“ Yes, Hinata Shoyo.” 

Hinata blinked. Then huffed. “ Fine. So you  _ do  _ know my name.” He redirected his gaze onto Semi, who was at the other end of the gym conversing with Shiro. “ You know, I kinda spammed Tsukishima begging him to explain my lectures to me because I didn’t know what was going on at first. He gave me Semi’s contacts instead and that’s how I know him.” When Kenjirou turned to look at Hinata, he saw the admiration in his eyes as he stared at Semi and a weird feeling stirred up in his gut. Hinata turned to look at him, too. “ He’s a really reliable senior, you know.” 

Kenjirou did not know how to respond. “ Yeah, I guess.” He was saved from his despair when the sound of the coach’s whistle sounded. He sensed Hinata was about to close the conversation off formally but did not let him have a chance to, running over to his teammates as they gathered in front of the coaches. 

The practice match felt like nationals all over again-Kenjirou’s teammates being amazed by Hinata’s quick reflexes and all. Only thing different was that Kageyama was not there so there was no weird quick, but their setter was still impressively skilled. There were a couple of times where Kenjirou managed to pull off a setter dump, and when he did he cheered victoriously with his teammates. And in those two instances his gaze happened to land on Semi-who was sat by the benches, smiling longingly at the display of his teammates patting Kenjirou on the back proudly. Their eyes met in those moments, too, but Kenjirou always turned away before he could see Semi’s reaction. He then spent the rest of the match feeling irritation instead of adrenaline. He could sense Semi’s gaze on him whenever he was at the part of the court that was closer to the benches, and a million speculations about the cause of Semi’s injury were buzzing through his mind. 

Despite being distracted, they managed to win the match, nabbing the final set by one point. Hinata sprinted up to Kenjirou and started going on about how his team would beat theirs in an official match next time, but Kenjirou had no spirit to entertain him and pushed past him to get out of the gym. They were currently having a break before the coaches’ debriefs and after that it was back to Tokyo. 

Kenjirou managed to find a quiet place somewhere behind the gym to eat. It was a picnic table planted in the shade and no one had occupied it thus far. He took out the few sandwiches that he had prepared for himself in the morning and began munching on them, grateful for the silence. 

“ There you are, Shirabu!” 

“ What do you want.” He groaned as Hinata made his way over to the table. 

“ I want to accompany you, of course.” The younger man beamed. Kenjirou did not want to be a dick so he just grunted and moved his lunchbox so Hinata had more space for his. “ Why are you eating alone, anyway? You could eat with Semi.”

Kenjirou wanted to scream. “ I’m not close to him.”

“ Oh. Why?”   


Kenjirou sighed, putting his sandwich down on the table. “ He’s my ex, Hinata. We dated back in high school and he broke up with me when he graduated. That’s why.”

Hinata just stared at him, and Kenjirou swore he would lose his mind if he was asked one more question. But no question came, instead Hinata said, “ my seniors broke up on their graduation too.”

Kenjirou blinked. “ Oh.”

“ Yeah, Daichi-san and Suga-san. I don’t know if you still remember them.” Kenjirou did, but he was confused about where this conversation was heading. “ They broke up because they were going to different universities, and Daichi-san was scared that their relationship couldn’t last the distance. Stupid, right?”   


Kenjirou remained silent, feeling a bit uneasy at the similar ending their relationship had to his and Semi’s. 

“ Suga-san was angry, of course. He started seeing many guys, going on one date after another. But every boy he ended up dating for more than two weeks all bore some resemblance to Daichi-san. Then one day the both of them actually got paired up for a blind date. Daichi-san apologised and admitted he never stopped loving Suga-san, he was just scared to ruin what they had-even though he kinda contradicted himself by  _ actually  _ ruining it.”

“ Why are you telling me all this?” Kenjirou asked cautiously. 

“ Because after a deep talk about why Daichi was scared and how they still loved each other, they cleared their misunderstandings and ended up back together and have been going strong for about a year now. I don't know what happened between you and Semi, your circumstance just reminded me of them."

Kenjirou frowned. " Okay, and? You don't even know why Semi broke up with me. And not every relationship has a happy ending like theirs."

Hinata cocked his head to the side, giving him a curious glance. " Why did he break up with you?" 

Kenjirou knew the answer- _ because Semi thought our relationship couldn't handle the distance _ -but for some reason the words were stuck in his throat and he had difficulty throwing them out. He realised then that Semi never said those words explicitly, all he said was, " I don't want to mess it up more than I already have. University means being further from you and I don't know how I could handle that." 

" Huh?"

" That was what he said." 

In the few months leading up to their break-up, Semi had become more distant. He was still affectionate, but his gaze grew empty, he often zoned out when the two hung out, and there were instances where he never contacted Kenjirou the entire day. After their break-up, Kenjirou was frustrated and over-analysed every aspect of their relationship, and concluded with resentment in his heart that Semi had simply lost interest in Kenjirou. 

_ It could be that, or something deeper. _ What else could it have been? And why did Semi not tell Kenjirou anything? Did he not trust him enough? The more he thought about it, the more angry he felt. 

" This is pointless. Why am I even telling you all of this anyway," Kenjirou grumbled. " It's also none of your business what happened in our relationship."

Hinata was taken aback. “ Oh, sorry. It's definitely not my place to say anything.”

“ Yeah, it isn’t.” Kenjirou stood up and got ready to leave, but Hinata placed a hand out to stop him. 

“ Hey, you don’t have to leave! I’m really sorry I stuck my nose into your business,” he reasoned anxiously. “ I won’t ask any more questions, I swear. I’ll let you eat in peace.” 

Kenjirou eyed him suspiciously, “ Okay.” He ended up sitting back down, anyway. They spent the rest of the break in silence, save for the sound of them munching through their meals. Though the entire time Hinata’s tale of his two seniors was replaying in Kenjirou’s mind. 

***

It happened when they got back to campus grounds from the practice match. Coach had already dismissed them the moment they were back but they decided to stay back and do some extra practice drills. Three hours later they were gathering up all the balls when a crash sounded from the locker room. 

Shiro was the first to take off running, while the rest of the team remained in the gym, taken aback by the noise. Then everyone else followed, and were dumbfounded when they saw a teary-eyed Shiro grabbing Semi by the shoulders, cleaning supplies all over the floor around the two.

“ Shiro, let me go. I’m fine.” 

“ Shut up! How stupid are you, taking the cleaning supplies out on your own? Show me your arm,” Shiro exclaimed, gently taking off the sleeve of Semi’s jacket on his injured arm and lifting it up for inspection.

Semi winced. “ I’m fine.” 

“ You just winced, you idiot. You’re clearly not.” Kenjirou cut in, causing both of them to whip their heads in his direction, surprised. 

Semi’s gaze remained on Kenjirou for a few more seconds before he focused on the rest of the team, sighing. “ I’m alright, guys. I didn’t get hit badly, it just hurts a little but it’ll be gone in a few hours.” 

It was Shiro’s turn to sigh now. “ Semi, please be more careful. Just as you’re recovering, too.” He turned to face the rest of the team. “ Guys, let’s call it a day. I’m sure you guys are exhausted by now as well.” Then back to Semi, “ I’ll take you back to your dorm.”

“ Hey, that’s not necessary,” Semi declined, holding his hands up and waving them frantically. “ I can go back on my own. It’d take longer for you to get to your apartment from there, too.” 

“ But-” 

“ Please, I’m fine.” 

“ Ugh, fine,” Shiro rolled his eyes. Then his gaze landed on Kenjirou and the brunet knew the next words that were about to leave his captain’s mouth. “ Shirabu, you take him back then.”   


Kenjirou felt like an idiot. His other teammates had already moved away from the scene to grab their things from their lockers and head off, while he still stood there with his eyes glued to Semi’s injured arm and his heart beating wildly in his chest. Maybe if he had followed his teammates Shiro would not have asked him to take Semi to his dorm instead. But the thought of Shiro choosing any of his other teammates to walk Semi back irritated him for some reason. “ Uh, sure.”   


“ Shirabu, you don’t have to-”   


“ Open your locker, I’ll grab your things for you.” Kenjirou cut him off, and Semi sighed once again before walking off to his locker. 

The walk to the dorms seemed excruciatingly longer that night, and Kenjirou figured it was because of the awkward silence between the two. Or maybe it was because of the slow pace they were walking at-which Kenjirou insisted on out of fear that walking faster would make Semi’s arm worse, as if that made sense. 

“ Thanks for walking me back, really.” Semi spoke, breaking the silence. 

“ I’m only doing this because Shiro asked me to.” 

“ Oh...yeah. Thanks anyways.” Silence again. 

Kenjirou could only bear so much tension so he said something a few minutes later, “ What happened to your arm?”   


“ Oh, uh. Not a pleasant story, actually.”

Kenjirou chuckled, but there was no humour to it. “ No injury has one. What happened?”

“ Well,” Semi cleared his throat, “ I got really drunk one night and was walking the streets alone. I saw a person that looked like someone I knew across the street and started to walk over but then I tripped and fell. I blacked out and when I woke up I was in the hospital with a cast around my arm.”

“ That’s it? How dumb.” Kenjirou insulted, turning to look at Semi. “ Seriously, you broke your arm just cause you saw someone you knew. I thought you had gotten into a serious accident or something.”

“ Yeah, I just couldn’t believe my eyes, I was really happy to see that person here. But in hindsight I don’t think it was him,” Semi was smiling, but there was no joy in it. 

“ He must’ve thought your accident was stupid.” Kenjirou risked a little banter, and Semi laughed.

“ Yeah, he does.” He cleared his throat again. “ Look, Shirabu, I don’t want to be the reason you hate university.”

Kenjirou frowned, “ What do you mean?”   


" I know I ended things like a coward,” Semi admitted, and Kenjirou tensed up. “ And I know being in the same university as me sucks, but I don’t want your university experience to be affected. I want you to be able to relax during practices, or the next time I have to go over to get my notes back from Tsukishima. What I did, I could never forgive myself for it, and I don’t expect you to either. But I don’t want you to feel awkward here cause of me.”

Kenjirou felt annoyed he was only hearing this from Semi two years later, but he knew the older man meant well. “ You’re right, it does suck. I’m still angry at you, because you talked so much about distance and didn’t even go anywhere far in the end. I was upset, you know. I thought that if you lost feelings for me you could have just said it to my face.”

“ I-” Semi started, then closed his mouth, dipping his head low. 

“ I’m angry, but years from now I don’t want to look back at my university days and just think of the anger and resentment. And I know the only way to prevent that is by accepting what you did.” Semi lifted his head up to look at Kenjirou again. “ I’m over you, yeah,” the words came out thin and strained. “ But I’m still angry. But-I don’t want to feel angry all the time. I’m sorry for bursting out at you two weeks ago. I won’t let my emotions get the better of me in our future interactions, and frankly speaking I don’t want any apologies from you anymore. I’m just tired and I want to put this behind us.”

When Kenjirou was done with his dialogue he realised that they had already reached Semi’s dorm building. Semi turned to face him, taking a step forward. “ So you’re saying, you want to bury the hatchet?”   


Kenjirou shrugged, “ I guess. Doesn’t change the fact that you were a dick though.”

“ I know. But still, thank you.” Semi offered him a tired smile, and Kenjirou’s heart fluttered a bit. “ Goodnight, Shirabu.”

“ Yeah, goodnight.” Kenjirou responded, actually offering a small smile in return. Maybe, just maybe, things were looking up for him now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it may not seem like a big thing but tysm for all the kudos and support on the story thus far! It really makes me happy and motivated, tell me what you think of this chapter if you feel like bc i love hearing from you guys :D


	3. Chapter 3: Closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I am sososo sorry for the delay, life has really been super hectic for me-health and personal life wise;-; but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Also I have updated the number of chapters this story will have because of some story restructuring, and I'll try my best to wrap up this story asap as well! Anyways enough of me blabbering let's get on with the story heh

When Tsukishima asked Kenjirou if he wanted to go get dinner with him, he did not expect Semi and Kuroo to be tagging along as well. The four of them were currently en route to a ramen place near campus, which based on Kenjirou’s research was actually quite popular with the people from his school. He had his head dipped low, staring intensely at his phone screen, relying on his peripheral vision to ensure he did not trip on something and fall to his death. Tsukishima and Kuroo were quite a distance ahead, seemingly in deep conversation about something. This of course left Kenjirou and Semi lagging behind, together.

Yes, Kenjirou should have put his phone away and conversed with Semi like a decent human being, but he did not know what to say.  _ Even if we did talk _ , Kenjirou reasoned logically in his head, the conversation would die off and they would return to their current state of awkward silence. Hence, there was no point even trying. 

“ What are you looking at?” Semi asked curiously, striking up a conversation anyway. 

“ Just searching up about this place, seeing if it’s gonna be any good.” Kenjirou answered, eyes still glued to his phone. 

Semi chuckled. “ God, you still do that?”

Kenjirou turned to him and frowned. “ Do what?” 

“ Research the place you’re eating at...when we’re already on our way there.” 

He rolled his eyes, “ What’s wrong with doing some research? I’d like to know if the food I’m spending my money on is actually edible.” 

Semi flashed him a smile that appeared rather fond, it made Kenjirou feel something-he did not know what. “ Pretty sure they’d get shut down ages ago if their food  _ wasn’t  _ edible. It’s amusing to see you still do it though, I remember on our first date-” 

The both of them froze. Semi looked like he wanted to shoot himself and Kenjirou’s heart was beating wildly in his chest,  _ why the hell did he bring that up? _

“ Oi, why did you guys stop?” Kuroo called out, startling the both of them. When Kenjirou turned to look, he saw Kuroo and Tsukishima standing a few metres ahead of them with their arms folded, eyeing them suspiciously.

“ Nothing,” Kenjirou said, voice taut. The pair ahead of them seemed to take his answer at face value as they shrugged it off and continued walking. Kenjirou followed suit, deliberately picking up speed to avoid Semi. He was glad the older man did not try to keep up with him. 

The restaurant was not as packed considering they were having dinner at 10 p.m., which technically meant they were currently having supper. But ever since Kenjirou started university, his body clock had gotten so messed up that he gave up eating his meals at the appropriate times. He supposed it was the norm, seeing how the rest were not even fazed by the idea of having dinner at this hour. The interior of the restaurant was as traditional as any other ramen place, but the dishes were a bit pricey. This made Kenjirou a little skeptical about eating there, and he voiced this opinion as soon as they got a table, to which Tsukishima just said " Shut up and order your food." 

So when their food arrived and Kenjirou took the first bite of his Tonkotsu ramen, he involuntarily let out a satisfied moan because _fuck_ _ , it was really good _ . The soup was rich with flavour but not excessively so, the noodles were soft, and the pork was so tender he could picture Kawanishi having a breakdown over how good it was.

" Shirabu, shut up. You sound like you want to fuck the ramen." Tsukishima grumbled again, evoking a snicker from Kuroo who sat right beside the brunet.

Kenjirou shot him a glare, "  _ You  _ shut up. This is the best food I've had in all my time being here. I can't believe you're only  _ now  _ telling me about the existence of this place."

Tsukishima smirked. " That's what you get for turning me down the past few times I've asked you to join me for dinner." 

" Ass." Kenjirou cursed, then because he realised how absurd it was, decided to ask, " How the hell do you guys know each other, anyway?" 

Kuroo, who was busy wolfing down his bowl of ramen, paused his eating to reply. " Well, we all take the same course, that's how I met Semi. And Nekoma used to have a few practice matches with Karasuno, so that's how I know Tsukki. When I found out he was studying here, it was my noble duty as his senior to reach out to him and offer him a helping hand as he transitions from an angsty high schooler to a just as angsty uni student." 

" You're so annoying. And since when have I let you call me Tsukki," Tsukishima snapped, then sighed irritatedly. " This weirdo somehow found my Instagram and kept spamming me with messages when he found out I study here. As for Semi, I first got to know him when he and some other seniors came over to talk to us about the course at the start of the term." 

" This world is too small," Kenjirou grumbled, earning him a chuckle from Kuroo. 

" Isn't that good, though?" 

" I suppose," Kenjirou muttered, then without thinking looked up at Semi who was sitting diagonally opposite him. He was shocked to find the older's eyes were already on him and felt his cheeks heat up against his will. “ Excuse me,” he said, getting up from his seat, “ I need to use the washroom.”

Truth be told, Kenjirou did not need to go to the washroom, he just wanted to escape the table because Semi's gaze was too much. It probably meant nothing, anyway. The older had simply stared at him because he was talking-so why did that simple show of attention affect him so much? He walked into the first empty cubicle he found and shut the door, leaning his back against it. He indulged in the silence the empty washroom offered, his nerves slowly dissipating. A few minutes later, he heard a group of guys come in. He was about to open the door to his cubicle and leave when-

" He's totally my type, though. His hair is pretty, too." 

“ So if I dye my hair ash blonde will you find me pretty, too?”

Kenjirou froze. They were talking about Semi, unless he failed to spot another guy with ash blonde hair in the restaurant.

“ Shut up, idiots. I came here to pee not to gossip.” Another voice piped up.  _ How many of them are there?  _ “ If you like him so much, why don’t you ask him for his number?”   


“ Are you crazy?” The first guy that spoke exclaimed, evoking laughter from his friends. Kenjirou concluded there were only three of them. 

“ Why not? We’ll cheer you on.” 

“ Yeah, you guys would make a cute couple.” The ‘ _ I came here to pee not to gossip’ _ guy said, then paused. “ That is, if he’s actually gay.”

“ I doubt he is,” The first guy sighed, “ What a shame, could you imagine how good in bed he’d be? He definitely looks like a top.”

Kenjirou had the same weird feeling in his gut again, the one he felt when Hinata rambled on about how great Semi was, and kept his eyes on Semi the entire time he did so. He never paid any attention to it, but now it was coming back stronger as he heard this idiot vent about his shallow infatuation with Semi to his friends in the washroom. His fists were clenched and he wondered when he did that, but most importantly he wondered what this ugly feeling was, and why was he feeling this way.

Eventually, the guys finished up their business and left the washroom. Only then did Kenjirou exit the cubicle, walking up to a sink and washing his hands a little  _ too _ roughly, as if that very water could wash away what he was feeling. He caught his gaze in the mirror in front of him, and the fire in his eyes answered his previous questions.

_ Jealousy, _ he concluded. He was feeling jealousy. 

And he did not like it. 

***

After that revelation in the washroom, Kenjirou never accepted any of Tsukishima’s offers to go out for dinner with them. He did not know why Tsukishima was so insistent, anyway. He never thought of the blonde as the outgoing type, yet here he was loyally making plans with his two beloved seniors every week. 

Instead, he spent his days occupied with his schoolwork and practice (during which he made it a point to avoid Semi as much as possible), and when he was devoid of any of the two activities he studied instead. Perhaps it was a problem that Kenjirou never gave himself a break from studying, but it was how he had always been-even back in Shiratorizawa. Maybe he was a bit more extreme about it now, but that was okay. To him at least. Any idle moment he got, his mind wandered to places he did not want it to: from asking himself why he was feeling jealous over Semi to getting even further and reminiscing about memories shared with the older man. 

" Seriously, what's up with you?" 

He was currently in bed on a phone call with Kawanishi, well physically there but not mentally so. Kawanishi eventually picked up on Kenjirou's dismal state three minutes into rambling about his annoying professor when the brunet did not even give him any audible response. 

" Huh? What, I'm listening." Kenjirou tried to convince him, failing miserably. 

" Even when I picked up you've been sounding off. I don't wanna talk if you're gonna be like this the entire call, so spill." 

Kenjirou had two options: hang up or tell him what was on his mind. But if he hung up he would be left in the silence of his dorm room (Tsukishima was out dealing with a group project), and the whole reason he called Kawanishi was for a distraction (which made Kenjirou feel a bit guilty he was only contacting his best friend for his own benefit). So he figured  _ what the hell _ and went with the first option. 

" Tsukishima dragged me along to dinner with Semi and Kuroo a while back.” He did not know why he chose to use the word ‘dragged’ instead of something less accusatory, probably to overcompensate for how he actually found the dinner...not so bad. Apart from the incident in the restroom, the food was exceptionally good and it was nice having dinner with his university mates for a change of pace-even if one of them was his ex. 

“ Oh?”

“ Yeah. It was alright, I guess.” 

“ What’s with that tone. What did you do.”

“ Why do you assume I did something!?” Kenjirou shot back defensively, “ Nothing, it’s just…”

_ Just what? _ That for some inexplicable reason, his mind still dwelled on what that guy in the restroom said about Semi? That he felt pissed how it probably took only one look at Semi for that idiot to lust over him-to the extent of wondering what the older man was like in bed? Because there was more to Semi than his looks or his bloody  _ hair _ . Though he came across as a stoic man, Semi’s personality definitely offered more than that. He was caring-even if he expressed it in his annoying form of nagging and insults, and romantic, too. He was the type of guy to kiss you on the cheek when you least expected it, to be clingy but not excessively so, to watch movies and go to places that were not his cup of tea if it meant making you happy. The type to kiss you in a way that made your knees weak every time, even if you guys had kissed countless times already. The type to-

_ Shit. _

“ Hello? Just what?” After a minute or two, Kawanishi’s voice was finally able to snap Kenjirou out of his train of thought. 

“ Uh, what?” Kenjirou responded sheepishly, blushing from his earlier thoughts. 

Kawanishi sighed. “ The dinner?”

“ Oh, yeah, nevermind. It’s nothing,” he replied dismissively. 

“ Huh?”

“ I mean, it was fine. Could have been better if  _ he _ wasn’t there.” Kenjirou felt his heart break as the words left his mouth. Why was he so insistent on lying to himself? Given his previous train of thoughts, it was apparent how he truly felt about Semi.

“ Shirabu, cut the crap. What’s wrong now.” 

It was no use lying to Kawanishi, he was able to read Kenjirou like an open book, anyways. And so realising he had no way to escape the truth, the brunet decided to just spit it out. “ I think I’m not over Semi.”

God, it hurt to say it out loud. He felt so embarrassed, as if he had stripped himself of his dignity, his  _ pride _ . What kind of self-respecting human being fell for their ex who had dumped them with the most bullshit excuse two years ago? No one, of course. Save for himself.

" Shirabu…" Kawanishi let out yet another sigh, and it filled Kenjirou with dread because he knew what came next. " You do know the implications of what you just said, right? I expected you to be better than this. You're just signing yourself up to be hurt again." 

" I know, I know. Believe me I've been avoiding him as much as I possibly can, but no matter what I do he's always there in the back of my mind. And it doesn't help that my roommate is his junior, and that I see him at practice, and even at random places in school because the universe just hates me. And every time I see him, I think about all the hurt he put me through, but I also think about how much I want him, too. He hurt me but still-" 

" Stop." Kawanishi cut him off, voice sharp. But then he adopted a gentler tone for his next words, " Shirabu, you deserve better than how he left things. I can't tell you to get over him cause I know it doesn't work that way, but just know that if you get hurt...you saw it coming." 

" Yeah," Kenjirou replied softly. " I'm definitely not gonna make a move or anything, I just want closure." 

" You're gonna talk to him?"

" When I get an opportunity to, yes. I don't know when that will be, though." 

" Don't you have a team outing soon? You said you guys were going to the beach or something." 

Kenjirou blinked. 

His team outing, the one his captain announced at practice last week, back then he said they were having it the following weekend. 

_ This  _ weekend.

And they were going to the beach, which meant…

" Kawanishi, can you tell me about your shitty professor again?" Kenjirou switched topic, desperate for a distraction. 

" What?"

" Just shut up and tell me."

Kawanishi sighed. " You're an idiot." He spat, but entertained Kenjirou's request anyways.

***

As expected, Kenjirou's worst fears came to life on the day of the team's outing. Semi was sat on a picnic mat a few feet from him with some of their teammates, conversing with them.

Shirtless. 

Kenjirou had the most neutral expression he could muster on his face, but truthfully he felt as if his skin was on fire and he hoped he was not blushing. Even if he was, he hoped it was not noticeable at least and decided to just blame it on the sun if anyone asked. 

He felt like a hypocrite, scratch that-he  _ was _ one. He had no place to be angry at that guy back at the ramen place for checking Semi out when he himself was currently doing the same. He just hoped his occasional glances Semi's way were not noticeable to anyone else around him, especially Semi himself. 

His torso was way more defined than it was back in high school, and Kenjirou cursed him for taking his shirt off. But the shirt he wore when the team had met up at campus-up till the when the public bus they took stopped at the beach-was just as alluring: a deep v-neck that exposed his chest way more than it should for the sake of Kenjirou’s sanity.

He wondered why his eyes kept coming back to Semi when nearly the entire team were half-naked as well. Save for a few other shy freshman-of which included Kenjirou. He never took himself as the self-conscious type, but the thought of being half-naked around Semi made him feel vulnerable for some reason, so he just stuck to keeping his shirt on. But of course, his seniors had other plans. 

“ Alright everyone, get your asses off the ground,” Tamako-the team’s second-year middle blocker hollered, beaming excitedly as he played with the volleyball in his hands, tossing it from one hand to the other. “ It’s time to play some volleyball.”

The rest of the team cheered in response, getting up from the several picnic mats on the sand and making their way further down the beach to set the nets up. Kenjirou was about to take off too, when he saw Shiro had still lingered behind. His captain was looking back at Semi who remained seated, concerned. 

“ You go ahead,” Semi reassured, “ I’ll be here taking care of your stuff.”

Shiro frowned. “ You sure you don’t want someone to accompany you?” Kenjirou wondered what his history with Semi was, he seemed a little _ too  _ concerned. Or maybe that was Kenjirou’s overthinking setting in motion. He needed to stop. 

Semi rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, “ I’m fine,  _ dad _ . Go and enjoy yourself, seriously.” 

Shiro narrowed his eyes at the nickname Semi had given him, but proceeded to join the rest of his team who were almost done setting up the play area. That left Semi and Kenjirou alone again. The older turned to look at him. 

“ You’re not going?” 

“ I am,” He replied brusquely, but just as he was about to leave he heard Tamako’s voice call his name from the play area.

“ Shirabu! You can’t play beach volleyball without being shirtless!” 

“ Yeah!” Another senior piped up, moving to stand beside Tamako-a redhead whose name Kenjirou still had trouble remembering, “ It’s like, our uniform here, except the uniform is being half-naked.”   


Kenjirou's blush turned redder, and cursed under his breath as he took his shirt off.  _ God, this was so embarrassing _ . After tossing his shirt onto the picnic mat where he previously sat, his gaze shifted up to Semi subconsciously and his breath hitched when he saw the older man was staring at his chest. Semi caught Kenjirou’s reaction the second after and looked up at him, eyes wide. Then he turned his head to stare at something in the distance, a guilty expression on his face. Kenjirou brushed it off, taking off running to the nets where the rest of his team waited for him. 

When the game started, he swore he felt a pair of eyes follow him the entire time he played, but he chose to ignore it. 

***

The sun was beginning to set by the time they rounded up their last round, and the team decided to spend the last hour of the evening watching the sun set as they ate their food and chatted with one another. It was nice, apart from the awkward glances Kenjirou kept sharing with Semi on accident, which resulted in the two looking away bashfully the next instant. He tried to distract himself by getting involved in the small talk of his peers that occupied the same mat as him, and while it did keep his eyes off Semi, it certainly did not keep his mind off the older man. 

After wrapping up their day at the beach, Kenjirou thought that that was the end of it and he could go back to the refuge of his dorm where he would not have to deal with the tangible awkwardness between him and Semi. But then the duffel bag by his side that contained a set of spare clothes and toiletries reminded him that the seniors had booked a chalet for them to stay the night.  _ Fun. _

And so a few hours later he found himself sitting in the communal area of the chalet with a still full bottle of beer in his hand (Tamako had offered the bottle to him in a rush of excitement, and before the brunet was able to tell him he did not drink his senior was already off to the next person in his line of sight, enthusiastically waving a bottle of beer in his face). At first he thought it was not too bad-yes, the presence of alcohol and the effect it had on his teammates ticked him off a bit, but they were only tipsy at most and were still able to hold decent conversations. But then someone started blasting EDM music from Shiro’s portable speakers and the drinking and lack of sobriety intensified. Kenjirou was getting more and more irritated by the minute seeing his teammates get more intoxicated and eventually got up to ascend to the second floor of the chalet where the bedrooms were. 

He was thankful everyone was too drunk to notice him leaving, and as he made his way to the bedroom where he dumped his bag in earlier he realised he had not seen Semi downstairs at all. He wondered where the setter was till he opened the door and saw him seated on the bed inside, phone in his hand. He looked up. 

“ Oh, Shirabu," he said, getting off the bed.

Kenjirou put a hand up, " It's fine, you don't have to leave cause of me." 

" Alright," Semi replied, sitting down at the foot of the bed. 

If this was high school, Semi would not have bothered to leave the room even if his presence made Kenjirou uncomfortable. It was refreshing to see this accommodating side of his, but it also made Kenjirou feel shitty because Semi was only like that due to the awkwardness between them. 

" Why weren't you down there?" Kenjirou asked, climbing into bed a little further up from where Semi sat and resting his back on the headboard. 

" Don't really like drinking, especially not after what happened with  _ this _ ," Semi explained, gesturing to his broken arm. 

" Oh. Yeah, I understand."

" Why did you come up?"

" All of this is just not my kind of thing, really." Kenjirou shrugged. " I mean, I'm okay with parties, but after a while the people get on my nerves." 

Semi nodded, " I see, even back in high school you were never really a party person." 

" Yeah." 

The conversation grew quiet, neither of them knowing what to say. Then, Kenjirou recalled his phone call with Kawanishi the other day. 

_ I just want closure. _

" Semi, can I ask you a question?" 

" Yeah?" 

" Why'd you break up with me?"

Semi's eyes widened. 

" It's obviously not the distance, so what was it?" Kenjirou felt as if his heart was in his mouth, anxiety coursing through his veins. He was so afraid of the answer, because even if he had an inkling of what it was, he knew it was still going to hurt. 

Semi appeared to have no answer to give. He just stared down at his lap with a guilty look on his face, fiddling with his phone. A couple of minutes went by and Semi still had not said anything. Kenjirou gave up and sighed.  _ So much for closure. _ " Forget it, I'm sorry I asked-"

" Back then, my parents had a divorce." 

Kenjirou cut his words off, shocked. 

Semi offered him a sad smile in response, " I know, I never told you. I'm sorry for that. I never told anyone, either. I was so ashamed. I've always seen my family as inseparable. With any one out of the picture it just felt off, and I was in denial when my parents first told me they intended to get a divorce. This was a few months before graduation."  _ That was when he started being distant _ , Kenjirou thought. " It was only when my mum packed her stuff and left that I realised- _ wow _ -i'm never going to have a complete family ever again. Even if my dad remarried and found someone who could love him better than my mother could, it just wouldn't be the same." 

" I'm sorry, Semi. I didn't know." Kenjirou said gently, lifting his back from the headboard and shifting closer to Semi. A part of him wondered how this linked to their break-up, though. And he felt guilty for having such an insensitive thought when Semi was opening up to him like this.

Semi shook his head, sad smile still on his face. " You didn't know, please don't apologise. I handled the situation poorly. I could have told you what was on my mind, but I thought it didn't matter because I've never taken you to meet my family before, anyway. I wanted to, actually, around that time. I already came out to them when I was young, and I wanted to introduce you as my boyfriend. But then this happened."

" You could have still told me," Kenjirou piped up, " Even if I haven't met your family, or don't really know much about them, I would have still listened, you know." 

" I know. I'm sorry, really. At that time I felt so empty, so I started closing myself off from everyone-my family, my friends, but most importantly,  _ you _ . And I wanted to stop it, you know? I wanted to go back to my usual self and give you the love you deserve, but then before I knew it, I was too deep into this emptiness and I was finding it so hard to love ." Semi looked so broken, Kenjirou wanted to hug him. " When graduation came, I thought- _ what the hell _ -I already fucked up our relationship. I was afraid I would be worse when I left for university, but it was all in my head. My fears could have been controlled if I just learnt how to. It was just me being incompetent." 

" No, Semi. I mean, yeah, you could have told me, but I never had to go through something like that before. I wouldn't know how it feels like, but if that happened to me I would have felt how you did too." He shifted even closer, placing a hand on Semi's lap. " I understand."

Semi's eyes went wide again, " You're...not angry?"

" Well, I don't know how I feel now, actually. I certainly wasn't expecting that answer. For the longest time I just assumed you lost interest in me." 

Semi winced. " I'm sorry I made you feel that way. God, I'm an ass." 

Kenjirou shook his head. " Forget about it for now, I'm glad you told me this. I guess since I've enrolled here and met you again all I really wanted was some closure." 

" Yeah, I actually feel better telling you all this now." Semi smiled, " Shirabu, I really want to make it up to you. I mean it, I'm really sorry for all the hurt I put you through." 

" I know you mean it, Semi." He looked down at his hand which was resting on Semi's lap, it has been so long since he has been this comfortable with the older man. He missed this. " I forgive you." 

Semi gasped. " Really?" 

Was he being too easy on Semi? But it was not like he was jumping back into his arms or anything, he knew Semi genuinely felt bad about what he did, and frankly speaking, he was tired of being resentful and angry. " Yes, I mean it." 

The smile that appeared on Semi's face right after Kenjirou said that made the brunet's heart melt. " Thank you so much, Shirabu." 

" I have one more question, though." 

" Sure, what is it?" 

_ Do you still have feelings for me?  _ " Do you-" 

The door suddenly swung open, startling the two of them. Kenjirou took his hand off Semi's lap the instant a second-year walked in, " Oh, there you guys are. A few freshmen had too much to drink and threw up downstairs, it's all a mess. You mind helping us clean up?" 

Semi sighed. " I told you guys to not offer them too much. We'll head down now." He turned back to Kenjirou, " What was it you wanted to ask me?" 

Kenjirou would have asked his question if their teammate was not lingering by the door still, waiting for the two of them. " Nevermind, it's nothing." 

Semi did not look convinced, but he did not pry. " Oh..okay then. Let's go." 

As they headed downstairs, Kenjirou internally cursed those few first-years for their irresponsible drinking, nevertheless he felt happy he got the closure he wanted. Well, mostly. 

It was fine, he would wait for the next time he got a moment alone with Semi to ask him about his feelings. And hopefully, his answer was in line with what Kenjirou hoped to hear. 

Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> been suffering from a semishira drought so I decided to make a little fic of my own heh,,  
anyways to the person reading this thank you for taking time out your day to do so and i hope you look forward to more! :D


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